How To Make New Friends As An Adult & More Friendship Tips

5 min read

Fun date night ideas aren’t just for you and your S.O. Learning to become better friends with your siblings or keep up a long distance friendship are their own kind of difficult, but figuring out how to make new friends can be complicated when you’re an adult because so much of your life is settled in a way that wasn’t the case in your teens or even your young adulthood. It might feel like everyone has already found their people, but don’t underestimate the value of a relationship with you.

Whether you’re moving to a new city, or you decided you needed to breakup with a childhood friend, these are some great friendship tips that we’ve actually put into practice! Once you really click with someone and begin putting in the effort, you’ll be able to become almost just as close as you were with your old friends, if not closer. As the shining star of our generation, Shania Twain, once said, “Let’s go girls!”

How To Identify Whether You Want To Be Friends With Someone

Sometimes you know right away whether you want to be friends with someone, but other times you’re trying to work through awkwardness or busy schedules, and have a hard time figuring out whether you want to pursue a relationship with them. When you find yourself in this position, here are some things to keep in mind. They’re not the end all, be all of friendship, but they can help guide you in the right direction:

  • You have similar interests: When you enjoy the same movies, museums, or subjects, you won’t have to fight to keep up the conversation.
  • You want to make an effort to hang out with them: Actually wanting to go out of your way to see someone is definitely a good sign, but more on that later.
  • They make an effort to hang out with you: Doing what they can to spend time with you, especially if they have limited free time, will show they also value the relationship.
  • You have similar beliefs: There are some friends that you can’t have deep conversations with if you don’t align on certain things, which makes similar beliefs a great friendship foundation.
  • You just click right away: When you know, you know.

Where To Meet New Friends

  • Bars
  • Work
  • Social clubs
  • Mutual friends
  • Volunteering
  • Social media
  • Coffee shops
  • Gyms

How To Deepen Your Friendships

cobwebbing and figuring out how to grow from past relationships

Image via KoolShooters/Pexels

First Things First…

One huge block that we face when entering into new friendships is nitpicking everything about ourselves or bringing baggage from past friendships into the future. Girl, it’s time to cobweb your brain! Figure out what habits and thought patterns aren’t life-giving, and figure out how to tackle them. The best thing you can do is learn to stop caring what people think about you — or as Dolly Parton put it, “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”

woman sitting at a table with her coffee

Accept That Making An Effort Is Sometimes Inconvenient

When you’re making new friends, sometimes you have to make things more inconvenient for yourself if it’s a relationship that you want to pursue. That can mean asking them questions to hear about their lives instead of talking about your own, or meeting them in their neighborhood if they’re short on free time and can’t travel. It’s not okay if they start to take advantage of that, but a good friend will do the same for you in time.

san francisco homes lining the street

Have A Daycation

Go on a friend date and be tourists in your hometown. This is a great way to spend an afternoon with a new friend — you’re exploring something you have in common, and you’re not sitting in silence with nothing to do.

two women standing under an umbrella together

Get Rid Of Phones…Until You Need Them

When you are spending time together, it’s important to really show that you’re listening. You definitely don’t want to spend the whole time glancing at your Apple Watch while you’re spending quality time with someone in person. Not only is it rude, but it can also actually make the person you’re with feel excluded. The best friendships are the ones that make you completely forget about your phones anyway.

However, during the times you’re not together, use your phones to your advantage. Call rather than text them, or send each other the occasional meme and video on social media.

women on a bed together with fairy lights

Image via

Get Creative

If you’re totally tired of asking “what do you do?” when getting together with new friends, try asking one of these hyper-specific and fun questions for new friends that they’ll actually want to answer. You can also use some unique ice breakers that will get the conversation flowing.

Workin' 9 To 5

Workin’ 9 To 5

Working in an office gives you plenty of time to talk to your coworkers, but if you want to get to know them better, invite them to go out for drinks or appetizers. If you’re working remotely but live in the same city, try co-working together. It’ll help your workflow and deepen your connection at the same time!

being vulnerable with your friends two women standing together

Get Vulnerable

Invite your friends to see into the messier parts of your life. If you trust their advice, open up to tell them about something going on in your life, or ask them questions if you know they’ve gone through something vulnerable. Knowing you better, and building that trust, will make your relationship way stronger than it was before.

women doing nothing together in their home

Do Nothing

Spend time without your phones and without an agenda, and just talk. Some of the best nights we’ve had have been when we were planning on watching a movie, but never got around to it because the conversation was too good. You won’t regret it.

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